long time no blog

I have to live life instead of write about life. I have too much to write, too much I do, too many funny things my kids say (and do), too many pictures, and too many projects. I try and enjoy everyday (even the bad ones) but it doesn't help much. Time waits for no one.

My brain floods with each thing I must do next and I think I'm running out of room in my brain. I can't fit all the memories in my head so I try and write down what we do, what my kids say, I make lists of things to do (which I usually lose or misplace) and I try a mental log of all of it. My mental log however fails me frequently. At times it seems that I have short and long term memory loss. So I've started a paper journal that I can jot down notes, quick things, funny things, and sweet things.

My baby boy is lovely. A slice of heaven wrapped in blue resting on my chest or at the breast. I am in a perfect world of new motherhood again.


Charlotte turned twelve. She has amazed me lately. She spent the night at her friends last night and she held a monarch butterfly this morning. Way cool. I've never seen a monarch in the wild.

Penelope turned two. She is like a doll.

Ricky brought me home fragrant red roses for me the other day. They are gorgeous. His schedule is killing us. But we are managing. This too will pass. Almost every time Penelope hears the dog bark she exclaims, "Daddy home!" Our dog barks about 10 times a day and several times a night. It's very frustrating and heartbreaking for now. More about the kids on the homeschool blog.

Oh, and have HAPPY HALLOWEEN from Penelope...

Happy in her own world, by Abhijit Nandi, India

Environmental photographer of the year and quality of life winner: Happy in her own world, by Abhijit Nandi, India.
‘The woman in my picture is returning home from the paddy field after a long day at work. She never thought a village woman could be the subject of a photograph, so when I told her I’d like to take a picture of her, she just laughed.’
See the other 14 beautiful winning photographs, here.

He's here! Our new baby is here!

After a wonderful birth Sebastian has made his presence into this world!
You can see photo's here
I will write up the offical story soon but for now here is a copy of the email sent to friends and family...

Aug 23, 2008
We are excited to announce that this morning around 6am we had a beautiful baby boy! My water broke around 3am and I went into what I would call "real" labor at about 4. We left the kids sleeping this time and Ricky and I had a great birth together under white twinkling lights (I decorated our room and bathroom for the birth!). I am usually a very independent solo birther but this time he helped me a lot and I really wanted him there for me, it was very wonderful!

The kids did all wake up one at a time immediately after he was born into my hands and so they were able to join us in the excitement and not miss the fun. We all welcomed him and adored him right away. All within minutes or seconds of each other: Penelope came, then Layla, Ethan, Sage, and Charlotte.

He is 8 pounds and 21 inches long....yeah 8lbs!!!! My biggest baby ever! (Layla was 6ish pounds and Penelope was barely 7 lbs). We named him Sebastian before he was conceived. We did not truly care if we had a boy or a girl, but I knew there was a boy out there waiting for us. I attached some pictures of the little guy. Penelope didn't want too much to do with him for the first couple hours, now she adores him and wants to carry him like a baby doll all over the house. Everyone is beaming with gratitude! We are so blessed!

What is wrong with people + my fatter belly

Would you believe that yesterday (one week after the tree in the road incident and one week and 1 day after Ricky's tooth incident) Ricky gets his new car hit by a older couple driving to the hospital in a mini van. They just pushed right in front of him during a 2 lane left hand turn (He was in the left they were on the right).

Not only are there no witnesses (and it was too small of an incident for police to come out) but after exchanging insurance information the lady who WAS cooperative at first and said it was HER fault and she was sorry now claims to her insurance company that Ricky hit her.

His car has large scratches and paint damage from the front passenger wheel to the headlight. There is also a small dent that could surely come out with a visit to the body shop. So now it's his word against hers and we are waiting to see what's going to happen. WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE?

This is small beans compared to our friend "Aunt" Penny (a long time friend of the family) whose house burnt down to the ground 2 am Sunday morning (August3). Everything is gone, and she has no one (but my family). NO family at all. And get this: the first insurance guy to come out to her place right after it happened had the gonads to tell her to rather rudely and coldly to "Buck up and hold it together" when she was crying. Again, WHAT IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE? She complained and his boss is livid at the guy.

Last year August SUCKED and this year it does too.
(no offense to the little cute baby in my womb who will come out this month...I think this month anyway!)

Belly Thoughts....
My belly is getting fatter! Yay!
My pelvis sorer. Boo!
I think I have heartburn, but it's not that bad.
Too many onions at lunch time I guess.
I have so much to do before this baby is born.
Oh geeez.

When your kids break your heart

Last week was a hard week. I weaned Penelope (22 months old) because I'm out of milk. Still.

I comfort nursed her as long as I could (for at least 4 months with really low or no milk) but I got to the point where the 'suck, suck suck, and no swallow' just was too painful (and at times irritating). It had nothing to do with being sore from the pregnancy, that sensitivity ended long ago. If you don't know what I mean "dry nursing" gets quite painful after a short while because there is no milk let-down and there is no swallow break between sucking. She was sticking it out though and didn't mind, and either did I until it continued to hurt and I'd get sharp pains in my breast from nursing too long --especially during the night stretches.

I've never been this sad about a child weaning. I'm not sure why. I have that 'she'll never nurse again she's so big now' gloomy feeling.

The actual weaning went smoothly. She was as ready as possible because she didn't fight it hardly at all. Had she fought it too hard I would have given in. But now it's been a week and she is sleeping so good at night with us (in her own bed in our room) and she's less clingy on me during the day and wants to be carried around less. My left hip/back is less sore because I don't have the added weight to carry around as often. But, I miss her. I cried a couple times last week and almost nursed her when she got a cold and got hurt. It's such a quick fix for everything. That bond is a powerful, powerful force. She brings me her baby dolls to nurse still but she hasn't asked to nurse since day 3 or 4 of our "official"weaning.

Layla weaned for a short time before Penelope was born (2-3 weeks) but then started nursing again when Penelope was born. So I'm half thinking that could happen again, and I might let it. I'll just have to see how it goes. Tandem nursing was really rewarding. Watching as Layla and Penelope -eyes closed and both nursing on a side- reached for each other and held hands is a image of mothering I'll never forget. And a feeling I'll never stop cherishing.

Ricky was really sweet and helpful last week. I laid down with Penelope and Layla and got them to sleep one night, then I got up unexpectedly and told Ricky I was so sad for weaning Penelope and started crying. He wrapped his arms around me and explained all the things I already knew. :) That my body was telling me something if it hurt that much, that she is doing great and that soon she'd be back to snuggling with me. (She hasn't been very snugly or affectionate since there's no nursies to draw her in!) All that made me feel better. Just having sympathy and hugs made me feel better.

I also feel "bad" that I'm "replacing" her with a new baby. Which I never felt that way with Layla and Penelope. So we talked about that too. I think what we have here is me realizing that this is the end of babies for me. For real. We said we were done with Penelope, but there was always this unspoken (and sometimes spoken) aura of another baby being out there for us. So lots of emotions right now, changes in life in general right now, and finally I'm seeing how fast these kids are growing up. I'm getting older and I feel it, and someday my babies -and kids- will be grown. It's all too much for a hormonal 37 week pregnant woman to think about.

To top it off Layla turned 4 last week. And made me cry 3 times! Layla is a very particular child. She's moody, fierce, and has fluctuating attitude "problems." (She's me when I was a kid!) I planned her two parties (one with her friends at playgroup, one at home with her dad because he could not come to playgroup). I worked really hard on planning her exactly what she wanted, getting her presents, Etc..

Well when I went to give her one early birthday present last week she threw it at me and said she didn't like it. (My kids just DO NOT do stuff like that! But she did.) Her dad talked to her about it and she said she was sorry. Then once more she was really hurtful/mean to me because I told her no and she pinched my belly and made me cry.

I was SO close to cancelling her playgroup birthday party but kept it on anyway. At her party she had a lot of fun but wouldn't tell anyone thank you, which bugged me, but she did say it was because she was too shy. It's so strange how she gets shy and embarrassed around others but at home she's a crazy person demanding attention! At least she expressed her feelings to me and didn't act up about it though. I just told everyone thank you for her like she asked me to.

The next day was her actual birthday (Aug 1) and we had a home party (just us) she was happy and having fun. Her dad got home and gave her a present. Then the boys and I decorated her cake (a surprise cake decorated with The Littlest Pet Shop birthday figures). We came out to sing to her and she wouldn't look at her cake. Apparently we caught her too off guard or something and she was quiet and didn't want to blow her candles out. She looked miserable. We helped her blow them out and they re-lit many times because they were trick candles. That made her giggle at least. Everyone ate cake and ice cream, she said she didn't like the cake... and I went to the bedroom and cried.

Nothing I can do will make this child happy sometimes. This has been since she was a newborn... this personality is NOTHING new it's just finally hurting my feelings to the point where I cry. When you give so much of yourself to your kids and then they treat you badly it just sucks and hurts so much...plus I'm more hormonal right now remember.

Ricky talked to her again after he heard me crying. She came into the room and looked sad, then cried and gave me a hug. So we cried for a bit together. Then we talked. I told her I just wanted to make her birthday special and I didn't think she liked it and she was being so mean. She wailed, "I do like it! I do!" And that made me feel better. She's been much better and kinder ever since. Ricky told me he did not tell her to come into the room and hug me or say sorry. He just told her I was very sad and why I was. So she did that all on her own. Which made me feel even better!

Penelope just now woke up and crawled onto my lap smiling. She put her head down on me briefly and then she wants up. I'm not ready for her to get up yet. She and I are still getting used to this new weaning thing. We both look at each other like we aren't sure what to do because morning nursing at the computer was something we did everyday FOR SO LONG. So now we need to get up and color a picture and get some juice.

Too many changes around here lately... it's okay. It's just so different.

I wonder if the IRS liked this one

I totally forgot about this until just now, but it's so worth blogging as I print these entries and scrapbook them. This year on our tax return my husband wrote down for my occupation: Domestic Goddess.

One of the millions of reasons I love him so much.

July is almost gone, and trees falling from heaven

Well I have not had the time to write. Life is just bursting at the seams with other things to do. I guess that's what I get for having 5 and a half kids...

I have pictures of our summer days and I would like to share here but haven't had the time to post. Posting pictures takes so much longer than I'd like it to. (I usually re-size them all first).

I guess I'll update about myself and then update the kids on the homeschool blog today or tomorrow.

This pregnancy is going wonderfully. I'm happy, healthy, and growing. There was about a 2 week span this month where I swear I wasn't growing, but suddenly my belly seems rounder and I keep hitting it on things (kitchen counter, van door, ricky... lol). This baby kicks, and moves alot. I was tired a lot this month. I miss May and June where I had seemed to have endless energy, but I feel a little energy coming back. I have been hoping the nesting instinct would kick in soon because I have a closet and a basement I had wanted to get cleaned up before the baby is born. I just haven't found the motivation though.

Ricky is doing well but working long hours (mostly due to driving). His work is easy overall (read: too easy) when he knows what he is doing that is (he has stuff apparently they want him to do but haven't trained him in). Time wise, it's not much different than graduate school. (other than the butt-crack time he has to get up in the morning.) I will say one thing; work is not utilizing him for what he went to school for and it's making both him and I scratch our heads a bit.

We have been talking a lot however and have some very good ideas about where we want our future to go. This weekend we began to make some surprising plans and are looking at some really exciting ideas for our future. We plan to stay in this area that's all I'm going to say for now, so it's not about moving per say. At least I hope not. I can't yet say exactly what we are cooking up. I'm not sure we know LOL.

All I really know for sure is that I want my husband to be happy and fulfilled. And he wants me happy and fulfilled. Our marriage is beautiful because of this.

~~~

Last night we had a terrible storm and a huge HUGE tree fell across our road. We were without power for 12 hours and I helped Ricky get ready by flashlight this morning...

A few minutes after Ricky left for work he came back into the house and unexpectedly changed out of his suit into jeans and then headed out the door (still dark outside) with his hatchet and a busted chain saw to tackle the tree he just discovered TOTALLY blocking the only road off our hill. He could not get the chainsaw working but he tried and then used his hatchet and started on smaller branches. I walked down to him and told him he had to stop. I mean there was NO WAY he was going to get this done without killing himself or it taking forever. (The biggest part of the tree was only partially covering the road, he thought he could clear enough room to squeeze by though). His determination always impresses me. Always has, always will.

A little while later we were able to get some help from our neighbor with a working chain saw. So Ricky with his hatchet and our buddy with the chain saw made some real progress and cleared the road up very well despite the still falling rain. Thinking back the whole thing was cinematic.

<---Layla outside with me. She talked me into walking her down to see the tree by saying, "But it might be fun mom!" after I told her we didn't need to go down and see it.

I see this tree in the road as nothing less than a sign for something. This obstruction meant something.

As if nothing more exciting could happen today...Ricky had a back molar crack in half on his way home from work today. (A tooth that we neglected to get a needed crown for last year. Crap.)

Just more symptom of a crappy (Mon)day? A sign we have bitten off more than we can chew? Or maybe we just neglected his tooth long enough that it cracked? Nothing more. Nothing less.

How about this sign? What is it telling me...

I might need to quit reading into everything so much. Then again maybe not, it's keeping me motivated. We have some very serious life changing events on the horizon. :)