Some gripes about adjusting

Well Ricky is done with school. He is done and at work full time this week. HOOOORAY. Today is his birthday. The kids and I are going to get a few birthday things today and hopefully have a mini party for him tonight. He won't be home until 7 or 8 though.

There are some things really frustrating me and I'm trying very hard not to let them. For example I'm freaking sick of him commuting, already. (Well he's been doing it over a year already.) I want to move closer to the city because getting up at 5am sucks. (I don't always get up with him but I do a lot.) And he doesn't get home until 7 or 8pm. I am also already frustrated at our mounting bills (loans, more insurance, and looking at buying a car for Ricky. Oh, and $900 in gasoline per month). We have more money, but more bills. Isn't that life. We are 600 dollars over budget according to the budget maker online that I attempted to use. (Whhhhat?!) And no savings #@! Arugh...
One thousand dollars a month on food expenses (inc. cat/dog food and misc household type stuff) and then another 700-1000 dollars a month in student loans does not help things. The Explorer Ricky currently drives is costing us 900 dollars per month in gasoline (hence the looking for a new car thing). This stuff is STRESSING me out. Ricky keeps dropping quiet hints about me shopping at Whole Foods less. (I don't go that much)

Ricky is so mellow about it all though. I asked him why he's not more frustrated while trying to get over this hump we seem to need to get over. He said, "I've been waiting 10 years so what's waiting a little longer. It's a process, and we have to take it one step at a time." I love him and his positively too mellow and totally content attitude. Even if it is sickening sometimes.
:)

Well now that I've written out the frustrations I can focus on the positive; like how he got a job before graduation. How he got a good job that he likes with lots of growth potential. We are all healthy and happy and the new baby will be here sometime at the end of next month. I also need to remember we don't even have a real schedule or anything down yet. We are just starting off with all of these brand new changes and bills. I'm just not good at adjustment periods.

One other thing that is bothering me is that Penelope Juliet is making me crazy. She wants to nurse and I have no milk this late in this pregnancy. Instead of giving up and loosing interest, as I've been now waiting for her to do for at least 6 weeks, she just hangs on and decided a nursie with no milk is better than no nursie at all. In fact right now she's pitching a total fit about nursing so I gotta go. She is trying to mimic her sister and suck her thumb sometimes but she just doesn't like it or get it. So she pops her thumb in and out of her mouth and the two girls giggle about it. But, she is clearly looking for a way to self soothe and she's having trouble.

Also, the older kids want to learn about the Empire State Building and today is library/craft day... and I need to update homeschool blog with some adorable photos.

Selfish Mothers Give Birth At Home

This post taken down because it is scheduled to be published in CfM news in the near future. Yay! Will put it back up at a later time.

Mama and babies

I updated my website's pregnancy page today and added a new photo Charlotte took of me outside yesterday. The photo is also below. She had fun snapping photos yesterday and I was glad to get one of me in my too small swimsuit. (not a maternity suit lol)

Charlotte also took a photo of me nursing Penelope and Layla getting hair. For those that don't know Layla has a hair thing. She has loved my hair since she was a newborn (and thumb sucking). She grabs it, holds it, caresses it, twists it, and smells it. It's her comfort. So this second picture is so much of what mothering these two girls is for me, nearly a constant of me giving myself to them. I love them dearly and one day they will be grown. No matter how tired or worn I may get I remember that above all else.

I also updated the homeschool blog.

Last week Ricky's first week of work went great. He likes it, he likes the people. It isn't exactly "work" yet. He doesn't have a computer yet and he has mostly been doing reading, tutorials, meeting with people, sitting in on meetings, and so forth. Everyone there sounds really nice. Today was his first early day (last week he got to go in at 10am). School is also going well for him. This is his last week, then finals! Then done!

This week I am going to continue decluttering, taking the kids to the library, going to drive 1.5 hr to Whole Foods, going to our homeschool summer solstice party, and going to the Friends of Missouri Midwives Picnic. Hopefully it will be a fun week and not too exhausting...

unexpected offers / life

Ricky had an unexpected offer regarding his new job the day before we left for our trip. They want him in the office sooner (which meant today). He tried telling them he was still in school and felt it may be best he wait until the end of this month as originally planned. Well... he was offered part time work until school gets out --and they will give him FULL salary pay and FULL benefits. And he gets to pick the schedule around school (21 hours). How could he say no? Well he couldn't. :) So over the weekend we went shopping for some more spiffy suits, ties, shoes and what-not. We shopped both online and in store. We both had a lot of fun. It was a great weekend overall that we spent together.

Last night I sensed Ricky awake a lot. Every time I opened my eyes he was cuddled up to me with his eyes peering at me. I think he was excited about today. He says he slept well though but just woke up a lot so that's good. Finally we both got up around 4:30am but mostly because the little girls were sick and woke up. Penelope has a fever and Layla a dry constant cough. So we were really early risers today.

I'm playing catch up after getting back into town. The worst part has to be getting the kids back on a schedule. Also, I'm looking around and my house is SO dirty. I need a housekeeper. I think today I need to put the kids to work with some rags and spray cleaner. Everything is just kid-messy. Sticky chairs, table, walls, bathrooms, the desk, the floor (needs vacuumed), windows...

Later this week I'm picking up some hens. I finally found some young hens -not chicks- that are getting ready to lay. I have tomato plants that need planting too. That is really hard to do when our garden area is over run with weeds, still un-tilled for this year, not to mention I totally missed spring planting for this year.

With a feverish baby on my lap and Layla being needy I just don't have a lot of hope for getting things done this month...or this summer. At least we have some one weed eating the yard right now. It looks like a jungle. Today I daydream about moving somewhere grassy (which we hope to sometime soon). We live in a very nice place, but it's super rocky and we have barely any land cleared. (We are IN the woods). The grass is always greener on the other side though, right?

I can not wait until Ricky gets home tonight (or calls me) so he can tell me all about his first day. Right now he's out to lunch with his new bosses and probably other coworkers. He looked so awesome in his suit this morning. I hope he continues to love what he went to school for, he's worked so very hard for this.

Trip to Vegas

Vegas was fun. I posted on the homeschool blog a bit about it with a couple other fun photos.

Here are some photos from my Baby brother's wedding (I am the oldest of five). Ethan and Charlotte were in the wedding. (Sage didn't want to be). Ethan is seriously boogie'n down in the picture below (then he was break-dancing in a serious way lol --hilarious!!) I'm bummed because I don't have a full length picture of me in my really pretty dress I spent 70 bucks on. I'll have to see if some one else has one. I'm sure there is some somewhere.

Ricky and I at http://www.bonniesprings.com/ and Grandma Wanda and Penelope walking in the old west town.

Penelope and her daddy being too cute in the hot tub

I'm online because I don't want to unpack...

Photos and a new job for Ricky

Below: Watermelon Belly early outside a few mornings ago (27 weeks) and a photo of Penelope washing Layla's hair in the tub.





Some baby love, snuggles, and kisses...


More photos on the kids' homeschool blog

Our family has really exciting news; Ricky landed a great job in the 'big city' and will start as soon as he finishes graduate school. He finishes school on June 26th and starts June 30th! This is very exciting. He was offered a Vice President position for a developing and expanding investment management consulting group within a huge financial institution! This is a wonderful opportunity for him (and our family)! I am so proud of him! He has worked so very hard and I'm glad he is starting off so well! He will commute (just like he has been for school) for a while then we will move closer to the city. We don't want to move too far though. We are not city people! :)

Well I just realized we leave tomorrow to go to Las Vegas. (My "hometown" & we are going to my little brother's wedding) We are not packed yet. CRAP! How did THIS happen? I better get going. Penelope is hanging ALL OVER me too and I'm feeling smothered.

Large Families and Paragraphs on Nurturing

While starting a short piece of writing about why I have so many kids I ran across this interesting little article about big families from the point of view of a rabbi with 8 children: The contempt shown to parents of large families

My favorite part was; "By just looking at my children, I become more innocent. By loving them, I become more noble. By spending my money on them rather than myself, I find transcendence. And by being a father and liberating all of the love in my heart, my spirit soars free. I work hard to support a large family and I give up no pleasures in doing so because my children are my foremost pleasure."

But this was also my favorite, because it reminded me so much my my husband :) "A man who loves children is playful. He will spend his life joking with his wife because he loves to see her laugh, and will flirt with her because he loves to see her smile."

Mothering Children
I also recently began receiving Wondertime Magazine. It's much more mainstream than my usual fare, but it's pleasantly refreshing and balanced. It's not Mothering Magazine, but it's not
Parenting Magazine either. It boasts that it "celebrates your child's love of learning."

There was an article recently that I was especially touched by about nurturing. (It contains such themes as co sleeping, comfort of both younger babies and older children, breastfeeding etc..)

Three separate memorable paragraphs from the article titled "Destiny's Child" by Shoshana Marchand include:

"I once awoke from a daze of exhaustion to find myself sitting on the floor with my infant in my arms and my toddler hitting me on the head with a long spatula. I heard myself saying out loud, over and over, "What do you want? What do you want? What in God's name do you want?" I no longer believe babies are pure and simple. They are miraculous not because they're blank slates, but because they're just as complex as we are- only with smaller fingers and toes, and smaller vocabularies."
~

"Everyone told me to put him down, to get the kid a newer, better bottle, to get a babysitter, an electric swing, a nanny. And me? What everyone told me was to get a life. But this was life, this was life itself, his and ours and why would it be better to make him cry his way through it? Maybe he should be able to cope alone, but for some unknown reason, he couldn't. What could I do but take care of the kid the way he was? He was, from the first, himself."

~

"I swear my kids were each fully themselves from the moment they opened their eyes. Some kids are just born with the power to self-soothe with rituals or comfort objects, and bless them. But let's also bless the ones who can't quite, for whatever reason, do it on their own, who don't yet know how to make the world go away. And let's bless the parents who do what they can until their kids are old enough to handle the bright, loud, crazy place into which we are born and in which we all must survive."

New homeschool blog, the bad and good ...

I started a homeschool blog for more homeschooled-kid related things. I thought it would be a good way to log some of the things they do. I like to look back and see what we've done in more detail.
http://halfdozenkids.blogspot.com/

In other news things have been both wonderful and awful. Here's the Cliff'sNotes rundown: Our family run campground business was flooded horribly by the Midwest floods. The damage is stunning. Our store/bar/kitchen/dance hall was almost completely underwater. Our chickens were attacked and killed by a dog. Ricky's job hunt is not improving (he goes to Texas on the 8th for that other interview) Charlotte started soccer which is great, but time consuming. My husband is really busy with school, but slightly less so than his last 6week mini-semester (which was not much unlike hell). I actually get to see him 1 or 2 hours a night now! Yay! I am turning 30 in 2 days. Waiting to turn 30 is like waiting to give birth, it's exciting and anxious and I don't really feel like doing it, but the only other option is death :) I am happy my last baby will be born when I'm 30. That's just such a great age to say I'm done having kids now. My husband will be 28. What a baby! :P

Speaking of Ricky, things are so good with us. We are so happy and I'm so thankful for our relationship. It often feels like the only uncomplicated thing in my life is my marriage. What a wonderful place to be in.

Well this morning, although a do-it-yourself cereal morning, is off to a slow start. I better get off here. We have stuff to do! I need to eat more than cereal I'm afraid. This baby is wanting juice, eggs, tomatoes, salt...

I am 20 weeks pregnant this week. (photo is 17 weeks pregnant though) I feel the baby wiggle and kick. (I think there is a boy in there) We rub my belly in wonder like we've never done this before. Life is so magic.

I'm pregnant!

The kids are watching http://www.brainpop.com/ so perhaps I can post a entry. I have a big announcement, we are having another baby. I am due this August with our 6th little whipper-snapper. We decided in Mexico that we were done having kids and stopping at 5, but we came home and soon I was pregnant. Ha! We had always felt there was a little boy out there and I feel he's in my belly right now. In fact in Mexico I said a prayer to my little boy out there and told him I was sorry and that he needed to find another family, perhaps one of my children some day. The powers that be (of not charting my cycle right LOL!) spoke and we are granted another child. I'd have 10 more babies if it didn't take 2+ years to nurse them and 18 years each to raise them. :)

If it's not a little boy then I was wrong, and we had a little girl out there waiting for us. ;) Some one is in there though. I feel them fluttering. I'm about 16 weeks.

• Sage wants twins.
• Layla says, "I think it's a baby boy, or a baby girl!" lol.
• Charlotte cried happy tears.
• Ethan thinks it's cool.
• Penelope has to share her nursies now. So we'll see what she thinks in August. :) She will be almost 2 when new baby arrives. (oct 17 is her b-day)
• The husband is excited and was initially much calmer than me. He loves babies.
• I was petrified and just went along my normal routine not quite believing it! Then one day I touched my swelling belly and that feeling came over me; that powerful realization that I was growing life, coupled with total satisfaction. I also felt grateful for this gift. I felt thankful to my husband who loves me and this crazy life of ours. I always said I wanted six children. And so the largest, most hardest, amazing, crazy, fulfilling goal of my whole life has now been granted to me. (be careful what you wish for :) Now I have to raise them all.

In other news Ricky has been interviewing for lots of jobs and now has a few second interviews. The choices we have are crazy. Everything from moving to Texas to staying here (but commuting to the city). One of the craziest developments is a possible job offer which would include a 10 week stint in Alabama for training. This would mean the new baby would actually be born in Alabama! :-0

Crazy.

So I don't have much to follow all that up with. That is the big news and it's big! Everything else is fine. I'm blissfully happy and content (now that morning sickness is gone and my energy is back up).

I have a small sinus infection brewing in my head. I just asked Layla to get me a tissue from the bathroom and she brought me ONE square of toilet tissue. I cracked up and said, "What am I going to do with that? Can you get me a little more?" And she got all mad and said' "HUMMPH" and stormed off. Haaaaah.

I'm thinking about starting a homeschool and family life blog to keep track of what we've been up to. It would be helpful I think. I'd like a log of what we do all day.

update, homeschooling, life with kids

I'm making myself post before January is over! I never really got caught up after our trip to Mexico. Everything has been just crazy. I am just taking one day at a time. We have at least been doing better with staying on our homeschool "schedule" since being back in town. It was a rough start this school year getting into a routine that worked!

This month we have been studying a whole modge-podge of interesting things like cave paintings, art, how colors were discovered, the periodic table of elements, the big bang theory, the sun, moons (ice volcanoes!), big machines, bacteria, crystals, the French and Indian War, the Revolutionary War, Rosa Parks, MLK Jr., and measurement. In addition to this the kids and I have done a decently steady job at sticking with spelling words, vocabulary, math, and reading. we are not moving through the spelling as quickly as we should, but they are retaining it and that's what matters the most. Charlotte is writing more poems and is getting better at writing, I'm getting ready to post one of her poems in her journal for her. It's SO cute! Sage is finally excited about reading! Ethan is almost finished with his 100 lesson online reading program ( http://www.clicknkids.com/) and he's doing great too.

Layla (age3) is SO busy; she wants to paint, sculpt, play with play-doh, take a bath, eat, eat, eat, make a mess, glue stuff, play on the computer, and then watch TV over and over and over everyday. This child is exhausting. She typically wakes at 7am and goes to bed at 9 or 10 pm, without a nap. She also learns an incredible deal from the other homeschooling kids.

Penelope (15 months old) is right in there doing everything the kids do. She cleans up her plate or bowl from the table and brings it to me. She insists on sitting (or standing rather) in a big chair at the big table. She will NOT sit in her highchair -that's what babies do! lol. She thinks she's at least 2. This is what I've read about other big families, the youngest kids really do fall right in line and do what the big kids do. It is easier with each child. Penelope is still a baby however, and I still spend most my time holding, nursing, and cuddling her. She is still very much a mama's baby. :) Which is both exhausting and sweet. (Especially exhausting with homeschooling.)

I can't lie, lately life has been very challenging. I've been tired and so busy (but still getting nothing done!) I'm getting by each day thinking about how my husband is working equally as tiring hours at school as I am at home. In fact I think he has it much rougher than me for sure. Each morning I think OH NO not another day of this. lol. But it's not that bad --I'm just really tired right now. Things will look up and this is the longest most dreary part of the year. It comes every year, and it will leave every year too. Just a couple more months and life will blooming and energy will be restored. I can't wait to plant our garden this year.

I am in a whirlwind of time. I haven't abandoned my blog, I'm just to busy to write. When I'm not to busy to write I don't know how to catch up to the present.

In November we went to Puerto Vallarta, Jalisco Mexico with my side of the family. It was very nice to see my family and especially watch my parents enjoying their grand kids. It was beautiful, tropical and warm. We went zip-lining 300 feet above the ground and over a dramatic river gorge. The longest zip line was 1320 feet! The kids even went (just not the babies). It was very adventurous! The kids were also able to participate in releasing baby sea turtles on the beach. It was a beautiful sight watching the turtles crawl towards the sea, and then be carried away. There was a most excellent kids club where our children played, made pinatas, learned some Spanish, and more. It was a slice of beach front heaven, it's hard to believe I'm now sitting back at home in my pink robe plucking away at the computer on winter solstice!
















So since we've been home I've been playing catch up. I'm dreadfully behind in everything it seems. I'm currently trying to get re organized, re focused, and re energized! There will be a lot of changes for us in 2008 and I am needing to really center myself and pull this place together because this is no time for falling behind! I found a school program online that we are using. It is my/our homeschooling answer, I think. http://www.homeschoollearningnetwork.com/ appears to fit our needs and the price is nothing short of wonderfully do-able! Ricky is out of School for winter Break. This past few weeks have been near impossible. We made it through though. This graduate program has finally reared it's ugly head and became tough. He is amazing. I couldn't do his job, and fair enough he couldn't do mine either :)

On December 16th we had a very overdue fun day in the snow! Pictures can be found here.

Next on the list Sage turned 8 years old on December 17

The following day we had to travel to St Louis for 3 of the kids to have dental work. Nine hundred dollars later...I'm wondering why I scheduled appointments in the month of DECEMBER!? I'm also wondering what's in the sealants they just pasted over a few teeth of 2 kids. I was not on the ball with this visit. If I had been I would have really watched more carefully. Oh well.

Well as exciting as talking about dentist trips to St Louis is (not) I'm overdue for bedtime and some snuggle time. I'm outta here...
Lots of love and holiday cheer to the world, from our heart to yours...

life learning

So, I recently spent a week researching online schools, curriculum's, and overall schooling options. Not that I haven’t done this before, but this time was a wee different because Ricky and I really were geared up for spending money on homeschool programs for the kids. Before we always were just curious but not ready to invest in anything. Well what I found was the same old thing; nothing quite fit us and the programs seemed not worth it, or much too structured like public school. People in our homeschool group also shared their experiences with some programs. In the long run I came back to where I was when we began homeschooling; Kids learning at home on their own (child led) is more productive and more valuable than kids sitting at a desk all day long.

So after I have these thought processes (and a mental crisis about the whole thing) usually I receive signs that we are on the right path.

The day before yesterday Ethan was being silly and I said, “Ethan is half crazy” to which Sage laughed. I turned to Sage and said, “Hey you are half crazy too!” And Sage replied with, “No I’m not, I’m only one quarter crazy.”

*blink*blink* I didn’t teach him that. He learned that on his own.

Then the kids today are talking about electromagnetism at lunch. I did a double take.
Me: “What are you guys talking about?”
Them: “Electromagnetism.”
Me: ?What the...?

If we provide them the tools (books, games, educational television, computer, workbooks, science kits, magents, microscopes, and more) learning will, and does, take place. It does! I see it all of the time.

So I’m now plotting what kinds of wonderful “tools” I’m going to buy the kids with the money we will not spend on a formal curriculum. A talking world globe is high on the priority list (one you can update via the internet!). So are some musical instruments.

In other news we just returned from Mexico. I can’t wait to write about it. I’ll have to later though. Time for bed it’s way late and I'm drifting off at the computer!

Putting Positive Parenting Into Play

The kids and I have been standing in a circle together and having moments of reflections and affirmations. Yesterday we asked the question:
"Who wants ___[insert a name here]________ to talk nicer?" We filled in the blank with each of our names, and we raised our hand if we wanted them to talk nicer. Everyone wanted everyone else to talk nicer and communicate better. We then all vowed to talk nicer to each other.

Today we will be focusing on the moments that make us happy and releasing moments that make us angry or stressed.

Thursday we will be saying one nice thing about each person.

This weeks affirmations for myself:
-they will follow my lead, so lead by example
-they will talk to each other the way I talk to them (i.e. yelling, frustrated, stressed, short tempered, huffy.)
-Don't sweat the small stuff (and it's all the small stuff)

Killing chickens

So I have not mentioned that I killed my first chicken. Charlotte (who is vegetarian) helped me. Unfortunately we killed one of the meat chickens because it was sick, not for food for the family. I tried giving it some antibiotics and it wasn't looking any better. Months ago when some of our little chicks got sick I made the mistake of babying sick and weak ones which just cost me a lot of time, and they died anyway. I believe they also spread the sickness on. So now I'm a little less likely to keep a sick animal around.

So that's what was wrong

Ah ha!

Today the kids and I tackled the basement. See, when the fleas got bad downstairs the older 3 kids kids moved upstairs. This was fine but challenging. Their clothes moved upstairs and they lived out of laundry baskets because of lack of space upstairs... Etc., and the kids went back to bunking in the bunk bed upstairs (double bed bottom with a twin top. (Ricky got kicked out of his study space room which sucked too)

So it has been over 2 months and now that the fleas are gone there was this daunting task of cleaning up the aftermath. (The real aftermath mostly being all the pesticide residue needed cleaned up!) And we left the place a mess down there! There was lots of dusting to be done, lights that burned out, and the smoke detectors needed new batteries. Oh, and after we put the cats outside we didn't take the litter boxes out --or even clean them lol)

...So there was WORK to be done!

Well today after the kids did a great job helping me finally clean, declutter, vacuum, and wipe down the basement I felt a ton of bricks fall from my back and the kids happily romped and played in their special space. So I was right, they were all getting sick of each other, BUT more than that they needed space. Of course it's only been one evening. And for a good portion of it they turned the tv on down there! lol. But they are all nestled in their clean beds; Sage and Ethan in beds next to each other and Charlotte and Layla in Charlotte's room. (I hope Layla doesn't wake up tonight! - This is her first night down there:)

And so for now, I breathe a sigh of relief.

F I G H T S *sigh*

Today before we left homeschool craft the kids had a big problem...again. Very typical of what has been going on lately. After I nursed Penelope in my van I went in search of the older kids. Denise, Charlotte, Sage, Ethan, Tessa and Emma were out back in a playhouse type thing. (like a pavilion with walls type outdoors thing). Apparently the kids were "building" a club house or something. As I got closer I heard Ethan yelling and screaming very loudly in anger and Charlotte yelling back. I was like oh great here we go again. Denise told me she has been telling every one to be peaceful and inviting.

Charlotte carried on like a brat saying the little kids ruined things and nailed part of the screen to a tree stump and that they aren't allowed. Ethan and Sage said they didn't nail anything or ruin anything and that Charlotte just doesn't want them inside. Charlotte told them that they did do it and this went on and on. The boys also said no one would let them nail anything or show them how and they insisted that they were as good as the older kids. Charlotte acted so insane. I just don't know what has gotten into her, she is never like this. Lately she acts the age of whatever child she is arguing with. So if it's Layla she is fighting with she throws things, whines, and acts like a baby. If it's the boys she yells, rants, grabs, or hits.

So I was speechless. Totally just speechless (and really mad.) I told her to get in the van and to think about if she wants to go to public school where they DO segregate kids by age. Sage started crying and Ethan was in the van faster than anyone (as usual). In the car I told Charlotte to think about the way she acted and that once she thought about it she would see how totally embarrassing and immature she just acted. We weren't even out of the driveway before she burst into tears and started saying she's the worst sister ever. She's so dramatic LOL she gets it from me! :)

So I asked Charlotte how she knew it was the boys that did it. She said she didn't she just thinks so. She then got a nice lecture about our legal system (which she was interested in) and innocent until proven guilty, Salem witch trials, and the death penalty. I crack myself up! What is awesome is that I could totally log that as social studies!

I also explained to her how if the other older kids would see her treating younger kids that way and then they would all think it's okay. Which in turn would mean it's open season for anyone to be "mean" to younger kids. Something very serious I drill in my kids is you will act like the people you hang around with (and in return your friends will act like you as well!)

Charlotte seemed to understand, as I knew she would. Funny thing is there is a friendship triangle going on at sports program. I don't remember all the details but Charlotte has told me about it. Some people like this girl but not another girl, and a other girl is not nice but if Charlotte doesn't like her she thinks someone else won't like her....balah blah...total stupid stuff and friends not liking you unless you are their other friends' friends too. At any rate earlier today while talking to Charlotte she said, "Why can't everyone just get along!!" So I brought that up to her and made a strong point that way.

I haven't talked to the boys about it all yet, but I will.

My wise mother (lol) lecture ended with the ol' "there is nothing that can't be fixed" line. "Don't sweat the small stuff" (and it's all the small stuff), and "will we really remember this in the morning ...does this impact our life forever?"

All that stuff I need to remember when dealing with these kids on a daily basis.

Time to do the dishes and get these kids in bed....

cancel trick or treating?

My kids are making me truly crazy. I have now pulled out the big guns: I am currently holding Trick-or-Treating over their heads. If they don't shape up (and this is not an empty threat here) then Halloween is cancelled. I know they are just kids but this has been going on for weeks and weeks. The bickering, fighting, rudeness, short attitudes, hateful, and hurtful (both emotionally and physically) to each other will stop. I do not know what has happened to my children! I want the real ones back. :(

Death

My great uncle died Sunday October 14, 2007 from lung cancer. He was very peaceful and died quickly. He called out for my grandma (his sister) and his son called her and told her. She came down right away. She went to his side and said, "I'm here Doyle" and he said, "Wanda....Wanda..." And he gasped for air and then died. He had a fear of dying alone and I think my grandma being there (and all his kids too) really helped. He had actually told my grandma not to let him die alone. My Aunt called me and left a message on my machine around 11pm. Ricky and I were watching TV but noticed the answering machine flashing in the kitchen when we came out for a midnight snack. My Aunt told me to call her and I knew right then. The way you just *know* something. I called her back and there was no answer. I got dressed and went right down the hill. On my way down the hill the inside lights in my van all went on at once. I thought it was a sign. Be it supernatural or an accident because of the bumpy road (unlikely but I guess possible), it was still a sign.

When I got far enough down the hill to see my uncles cabin I saw a lot of cars and headlights. I pulled up next to my aunt and the nurses car. I walked past his kids standing outside. My Aunt was standing next to his bed and she turned around to see who was there. She said, "you knew when I left the message didn't you." I shook my head and went to my uncles bedside. I'd never seen a dead body before, let alone kiss one. It's so much less weird or odd when it's someone you know and love. I kissed his head several times. I told him how the kids will miss him so much and how it wouldn't be the same without him. I looked up at my grandma and chatted with her for a minute. I went outside, and then back in once more to say good-bye.

I told the kids in the morning about 9am after Ricky went off to school. That was a mistake. I had four crying kids and a very confused Layla insisting on wanting to go see Uncle Doyle "right now!" I packed the kids up and headed down the hill to find my family. The kids settled down and we all had breakfast and talked.

I'm so thankful we had so many good years here with him. The older kids will remember him. Layla probably will not, but I'll know that she knew him, and I can one day tell her about when she morned him. Penelope will never know him but he left his stamp by nicknaming her. When she was about 5 months old I was walking past and he said, "ol' Pah-nelly, huh?" and it has stuck ever since. He said "huh" to you all the time. His most known phrase was, "Whaddya think, huh?" (Or sometimes to a woman - "whaddya think dear?)

Death is so strange and it stirs up many thoughts about mortality. Charlotte and I talked about how without death there would be no birth, and we found a small amount of comfort in that.

Charlotte

Charlotte, my 11 year old, had chips and scrambled eggs for dinner. Mixed together! She tried to convince me that it's good. I guess potatoes and eggs go together I relented.

Charlotte and I spent hours tonight making Halloween candied apples and dipped pretzels that we are going to mail to my parents. I'm going to post pictures on my website and link to it later. We got very creative.

Charlotte started playing soccer 5 weeks ago. This is her first season playing soccer. I feel Charlotte has learned a lot about soccer and a couple weeks ago I really noticed she was improving drastically. I love her coach! When she first started playing she was more reserved than I had expected, but it didn't take long and she found her niche in the game. Today after her second game (they play 2 every Saturday) the coach told me, "Charlotte is doing great, she is a soccer natural. She gets the game." I knew she was doing good, but I didn't know she was doing that good! I was so happy to hear that!
I felt like all the driving for 2 practices and 2 games a week have been worth while. Soccer has been hard on me, especially with 5 kids, and all the driving.
A 35 dollar soccer sign up has turned into hundreds of dollars when I factor in gas, food since we have to spend all day in rolla on Saturdays, soccer cleats and hot pink shin guards.
Charlotte's cold rosy cheeks just beamed at hearing her coach. I am so happy to have an athletic kid! I think I really missed out by not getting involved in sports as a child.

A couple weeks ago Charlotte asked me if I had ever stolen anything. I said... well it depended. LOL. I fudged the truth a wee-bit like I always do to hide my former bad-girl image from my children. (I plan to make them think I'm a prude. I might be failing though, the other night at Six Flags Fright Night we got spray on tattoos and I asked the kid doing them if he does butts. I WAS KIDDING! It cracked him up, and my kids were humorously mortified and said, "Mommm!" HeeHeeHee)
Anyway, Charlotte confessed to stealing something from lost in found when she was in public school years ago. Apparently it was a small stuffed animal and she was so guilt ridden she had her friend return it to lost in found a year later. She couldn't return it herself because she no longer went to the public school.

I told her I never considered lost-and-found stealing, as long as you give it a chance to sit there a while.
:)

I love that kid.
I love that she asks and tells me about important things.

I love you

Excuse me for gushing, but I am in love. Head over heels in love with my husband. In regards to him being so busy with school: it's quality over quantity. And so that is where we are at right now. Taking one day at a time and enjoying the ride all the while being overwhelmed with kids and school (both graduate and homeschool!)
The past couple months have been really bummer months. Just in general. It seems like one thing after another has happened. I hate it when real life gets in the way of my good time. However, as the leaves turn from green to the brilliant colors of fall things are finally balancing out yet again. (And I'm becoming more accepting of many changes and challenges)

We are all set into a new routine, as hectic as it may be. Ricky is almost done with his first quarter of classes and it is exciting to hear him be so positive about such a challenge. I do not know how he does it. This month he will be at school until 11pm on Penelope's 1st b-day, our anniversary, and Halloween. Which totally sucks! But we will make it up. We will find the time to celebrate on different days. Those days he's gone I'll get extra kisses and more phone calls than usual. He says he sees the light at the end of the tunnel... and so I follow his lead.

He is working his head off at school. To balance all of that, and us. He's amazing. I'm forever grateful for him.