He's here! Our new baby is here!

After a wonderful birth Sebastian has made his presence into this world!
You can see photo's here
I will write up the offical story soon but for now here is a copy of the email sent to friends and family...

Aug 23, 2008
We are excited to announce that this morning around 6am we had a beautiful baby boy! My water broke around 3am and I went into what I would call "real" labor at about 4. We left the kids sleeping this time and Ricky and I had a great birth together under white twinkling lights (I decorated our room and bathroom for the birth!). I am usually a very independent solo birther but this time he helped me a lot and I really wanted him there for me, it was very wonderful!

The kids did all wake up one at a time immediately after he was born into my hands and so they were able to join us in the excitement and not miss the fun. We all welcomed him and adored him right away. All within minutes or seconds of each other: Penelope came, then Layla, Ethan, Sage, and Charlotte.

He is 8 pounds and 21 inches long....yeah 8lbs!!!! My biggest baby ever! (Layla was 6ish pounds and Penelope was barely 7 lbs). We named him Sebastian before he was conceived. We did not truly care if we had a boy or a girl, but I knew there was a boy out there waiting for us. I attached some pictures of the little guy. Penelope didn't want too much to do with him for the first couple hours, now she adores him and wants to carry him like a baby doll all over the house. Everyone is beaming with gratitude! We are so blessed!

When your kids break your heart

Last week was a hard week. I weaned Penelope (22 months old) because I'm out of milk. Still.

I comfort nursed her as long as I could (for at least 4 months with really low or no milk) but I got to the point where the 'suck, suck suck, and no swallow' just was too painful (and at times irritating). It had nothing to do with being sore from the pregnancy, that sensitivity ended long ago. If you don't know what I mean "dry nursing" gets quite painful after a short while because there is no milk let-down and there is no swallow break between sucking. She was sticking it out though and didn't mind, and either did I until it continued to hurt and I'd get sharp pains in my breast from nursing too long --especially during the night stretches.

I've never been this sad about a child weaning. I'm not sure why. I have that 'she'll never nurse again she's so big now' gloomy feeling.

The actual weaning went smoothly. She was as ready as possible because she didn't fight it hardly at all. Had she fought it too hard I would have given in. But now it's been a week and she is sleeping so good at night with us (in her own bed in our room) and she's less clingy on me during the day and wants to be carried around less. My left hip/back is less sore because I don't have the added weight to carry around as often. But, I miss her. I cried a couple times last week and almost nursed her when she got a cold and got hurt. It's such a quick fix for everything. That bond is a powerful, powerful force. She brings me her baby dolls to nurse still but she hasn't asked to nurse since day 3 or 4 of our "official"weaning.

Layla weaned for a short time before Penelope was born (2-3 weeks) but then started nursing again when Penelope was born. So I'm half thinking that could happen again, and I might let it. I'll just have to see how it goes. Tandem nursing was really rewarding. Watching as Layla and Penelope -eyes closed and both nursing on a side- reached for each other and held hands is a image of mothering I'll never forget. And a feeling I'll never stop cherishing.

Ricky was really sweet and helpful last week. I laid down with Penelope and Layla and got them to sleep one night, then I got up unexpectedly and told Ricky I was so sad for weaning Penelope and started crying. He wrapped his arms around me and explained all the things I already knew. :) That my body was telling me something if it hurt that much, that she is doing great and that soon she'd be back to snuggling with me. (She hasn't been very snugly or affectionate since there's no nursies to draw her in!) All that made me feel better. Just having sympathy and hugs made me feel better.

I also feel "bad" that I'm "replacing" her with a new baby. Which I never felt that way with Layla and Penelope. So we talked about that too. I think what we have here is me realizing that this is the end of babies for me. For real. We said we were done with Penelope, but there was always this unspoken (and sometimes spoken) aura of another baby being out there for us. So lots of emotions right now, changes in life in general right now, and finally I'm seeing how fast these kids are growing up. I'm getting older and I feel it, and someday my babies -and kids- will be grown. It's all too much for a hormonal 37 week pregnant woman to think about.

To top it off Layla turned 4 last week. And made me cry 3 times! Layla is a very particular child. She's moody, fierce, and has fluctuating attitude "problems." (She's me when I was a kid!) I planned her two parties (one with her friends at playgroup, one at home with her dad because he could not come to playgroup). I worked really hard on planning her exactly what she wanted, getting her presents, Etc..

Well when I went to give her one early birthday present last week she threw it at me and said she didn't like it. (My kids just DO NOT do stuff like that! But she did.) Her dad talked to her about it and she said she was sorry. Then once more she was really hurtful/mean to me because I told her no and she pinched my belly and made me cry.

I was SO close to cancelling her playgroup birthday party but kept it on anyway. At her party she had a lot of fun but wouldn't tell anyone thank you, which bugged me, but she did say it was because she was too shy. It's so strange how she gets shy and embarrassed around others but at home she's a crazy person demanding attention! At least she expressed her feelings to me and didn't act up about it though. I just told everyone thank you for her like she asked me to.

The next day was her actual birthday (Aug 1) and we had a home party (just us) she was happy and having fun. Her dad got home and gave her a present. Then the boys and I decorated her cake (a surprise cake decorated with The Littlest Pet Shop birthday figures). We came out to sing to her and she wouldn't look at her cake. Apparently we caught her too off guard or something and she was quiet and didn't want to blow her candles out. She looked miserable. We helped her blow them out and they re-lit many times because they were trick candles. That made her giggle at least. Everyone ate cake and ice cream, she said she didn't like the cake... and I went to the bedroom and cried.

Nothing I can do will make this child happy sometimes. This has been since she was a newborn... this personality is NOTHING new it's just finally hurting my feelings to the point where I cry. When you give so much of yourself to your kids and then they treat you badly it just sucks and hurts so much...plus I'm more hormonal right now remember.

Ricky talked to her again after he heard me crying. She came into the room and looked sad, then cried and gave me a hug. So we cried for a bit together. Then we talked. I told her I just wanted to make her birthday special and I didn't think she liked it and she was being so mean. She wailed, "I do like it! I do!" And that made me feel better. She's been much better and kinder ever since. Ricky told me he did not tell her to come into the room and hug me or say sorry. He just told her I was very sad and why I was. So she did that all on her own. Which made me feel even better!

Penelope just now woke up and crawled onto my lap smiling. She put her head down on me briefly and then she wants up. I'm not ready for her to get up yet. She and I are still getting used to this new weaning thing. We both look at each other like we aren't sure what to do because morning nursing at the computer was something we did everyday FOR SO LONG. So now we need to get up and color a picture and get some juice.

Too many changes around here lately... it's okay. It's just so different.

Large Families and Paragraphs on Nurturing

While starting a short piece of writing about why I have so many kids I ran across this interesting little article about big families from the point of view of a rabbi with 8 children: The contempt shown to parents of large families

My favorite part was; "By just looking at my children, I become more innocent. By loving them, I become more noble. By spending my money on them rather than myself, I find transcendence. And by being a father and liberating all of the love in my heart, my spirit soars free. I work hard to support a large family and I give up no pleasures in doing so because my children are my foremost pleasure."

But this was also my favorite, because it reminded me so much my my husband :) "A man who loves children is playful. He will spend his life joking with his wife because he loves to see her laugh, and will flirt with her because he loves to see her smile."

Mothering Children
I also recently began receiving Wondertime Magazine. It's much more mainstream than my usual fare, but it's pleasantly refreshing and balanced. It's not Mothering Magazine, but it's not
Parenting Magazine either. It boasts that it "celebrates your child's love of learning."

There was an article recently that I was especially touched by about nurturing. (It contains such themes as co sleeping, comfort of both younger babies and older children, breastfeeding etc..)

Three separate memorable paragraphs from the article titled "Destiny's Child" by Shoshana Marchand include:

"I once awoke from a daze of exhaustion to find myself sitting on the floor with my infant in my arms and my toddler hitting me on the head with a long spatula. I heard myself saying out loud, over and over, "What do you want? What do you want? What in God's name do you want?" I no longer believe babies are pure and simple. They are miraculous not because they're blank slates, but because they're just as complex as we are- only with smaller fingers and toes, and smaller vocabularies."
~

"Everyone told me to put him down, to get the kid a newer, better bottle, to get a babysitter, an electric swing, a nanny. And me? What everyone told me was to get a life. But this was life, this was life itself, his and ours and why would it be better to make him cry his way through it? Maybe he should be able to cope alone, but for some unknown reason, he couldn't. What could I do but take care of the kid the way he was? He was, from the first, himself."

~

"I swear my kids were each fully themselves from the moment they opened their eyes. Some kids are just born with the power to self-soothe with rituals or comfort objects, and bless them. But let's also bless the ones who can't quite, for whatever reason, do it on their own, who don't yet know how to make the world go away. And let's bless the parents who do what they can until their kids are old enough to handle the bright, loud, crazy place into which we are born and in which we all must survive."

I'm pregnant!

The kids are watching http://www.brainpop.com/ so perhaps I can post a entry. I have a big announcement, we are having another baby. I am due this August with our 6th little whipper-snapper. We decided in Mexico that we were done having kids and stopping at 5, but we came home and soon I was pregnant. Ha! We had always felt there was a little boy out there and I feel he's in my belly right now. In fact in Mexico I said a prayer to my little boy out there and told him I was sorry and that he needed to find another family, perhaps one of my children some day. The powers that be (of not charting my cycle right LOL!) spoke and we are granted another child. I'd have 10 more babies if it didn't take 2+ years to nurse them and 18 years each to raise them. :)

If it's not a little boy then I was wrong, and we had a little girl out there waiting for us. ;) Some one is in there though. I feel them fluttering. I'm about 16 weeks.

• Sage wants twins.
• Layla says, "I think it's a baby boy, or a baby girl!" lol.
• Charlotte cried happy tears.
• Ethan thinks it's cool.
• Penelope has to share her nursies now. So we'll see what she thinks in August. :) She will be almost 2 when new baby arrives. (oct 17 is her b-day)
• The husband is excited and was initially much calmer than me. He loves babies.
• I was petrified and just went along my normal routine not quite believing it! Then one day I touched my swelling belly and that feeling came over me; that powerful realization that I was growing life, coupled with total satisfaction. I also felt grateful for this gift. I felt thankful to my husband who loves me and this crazy life of ours. I always said I wanted six children. And so the largest, most hardest, amazing, crazy, fulfilling goal of my whole life has now been granted to me. (be careful what you wish for :) Now I have to raise them all.

In other news Ricky has been interviewing for lots of jobs and now has a few second interviews. The choices we have are crazy. Everything from moving to Texas to staying here (but commuting to the city). One of the craziest developments is a possible job offer which would include a 10 week stint in Alabama for training. This would mean the new baby would actually be born in Alabama! :-0

Crazy.

So I don't have much to follow all that up with. That is the big news and it's big! Everything else is fine. I'm blissfully happy and content (now that morning sickness is gone and my energy is back up).

I have a small sinus infection brewing in my head. I just asked Layla to get me a tissue from the bathroom and she brought me ONE square of toilet tissue. I cracked up and said, "What am I going to do with that? Can you get me a little more?" And she got all mad and said' "HUMMPH" and stormed off. Haaaaah.

I'm thinking about starting a homeschool and family life blog to keep track of what we've been up to. It would be helpful I think. I'd like a log of what we do all day.

update, homeschooling, life with kids

I'm making myself post before January is over! I never really got caught up after our trip to Mexico. Everything has been just crazy. I am just taking one day at a time. We have at least been doing better with staying on our homeschool "schedule" since being back in town. It was a rough start this school year getting into a routine that worked!

This month we have been studying a whole modge-podge of interesting things like cave paintings, art, how colors were discovered, the periodic table of elements, the big bang theory, the sun, moons (ice volcanoes!), big machines, bacteria, crystals, the French and Indian War, the Revolutionary War, Rosa Parks, MLK Jr., and measurement. In addition to this the kids and I have done a decently steady job at sticking with spelling words, vocabulary, math, and reading. we are not moving through the spelling as quickly as we should, but they are retaining it and that's what matters the most. Charlotte is writing more poems and is getting better at writing, I'm getting ready to post one of her poems in her journal for her. It's SO cute! Sage is finally excited about reading! Ethan is almost finished with his 100 lesson online reading program ( http://www.clicknkids.com/) and he's doing great too.

Layla (age3) is SO busy; she wants to paint, sculpt, play with play-doh, take a bath, eat, eat, eat, make a mess, glue stuff, play on the computer, and then watch TV over and over and over everyday. This child is exhausting. She typically wakes at 7am and goes to bed at 9 or 10 pm, without a nap. She also learns an incredible deal from the other homeschooling kids.

Penelope (15 months old) is right in there doing everything the kids do. She cleans up her plate or bowl from the table and brings it to me. She insists on sitting (or standing rather) in a big chair at the big table. She will NOT sit in her highchair -that's what babies do! lol. She thinks she's at least 2. This is what I've read about other big families, the youngest kids really do fall right in line and do what the big kids do. It is easier with each child. Penelope is still a baby however, and I still spend most my time holding, nursing, and cuddling her. She is still very much a mama's baby. :) Which is both exhausting and sweet. (Especially exhausting with homeschooling.)

I can't lie, lately life has been very challenging. I've been tired and so busy (but still getting nothing done!) I'm getting by each day thinking about how my husband is working equally as tiring hours at school as I am at home. In fact I think he has it much rougher than me for sure. Each morning I think OH NO not another day of this. lol. But it's not that bad --I'm just really tired right now. Things will look up and this is the longest most dreary part of the year. It comes every year, and it will leave every year too. Just a couple more months and life will blooming and energy will be restored. I can't wait to plant our garden this year.

Putting Positive Parenting Into Play

The kids and I have been standing in a circle together and having moments of reflections and affirmations. Yesterday we asked the question:
"Who wants ___[insert a name here]________ to talk nicer?" We filled in the blank with each of our names, and we raised our hand if we wanted them to talk nicer. Everyone wanted everyone else to talk nicer and communicate better. We then all vowed to talk nicer to each other.

Today we will be focusing on the moments that make us happy and releasing moments that make us angry or stressed.

Thursday we will be saying one nice thing about each person.

This weeks affirmations for myself:
-they will follow my lead, so lead by example
-they will talk to each other the way I talk to them (i.e. yelling, frustrated, stressed, short tempered, huffy.)
-Don't sweat the small stuff (and it's all the small stuff)

So that's what was wrong

Ah ha!

Today the kids and I tackled the basement. See, when the fleas got bad downstairs the older 3 kids kids moved upstairs. This was fine but challenging. Their clothes moved upstairs and they lived out of laundry baskets because of lack of space upstairs... Etc., and the kids went back to bunking in the bunk bed upstairs (double bed bottom with a twin top. (Ricky got kicked out of his study space room which sucked too)

So it has been over 2 months and now that the fleas are gone there was this daunting task of cleaning up the aftermath. (The real aftermath mostly being all the pesticide residue needed cleaned up!) And we left the place a mess down there! There was lots of dusting to be done, lights that burned out, and the smoke detectors needed new batteries. Oh, and after we put the cats outside we didn't take the litter boxes out --or even clean them lol)

...So there was WORK to be done!

Well today after the kids did a great job helping me finally clean, declutter, vacuum, and wipe down the basement I felt a ton of bricks fall from my back and the kids happily romped and played in their special space. So I was right, they were all getting sick of each other, BUT more than that they needed space. Of course it's only been one evening. And for a good portion of it they turned the tv on down there! lol. But they are all nestled in their clean beds; Sage and Ethan in beds next to each other and Charlotte and Layla in Charlotte's room. (I hope Layla doesn't wake up tonight! - This is her first night down there:)

And so for now, I breathe a sigh of relief.

I'm such a dork for crying + Running into big families is it a sign?

I’ve been trying to write this post for 3 days. I’ve been running around like crazy. I’m insane for thinking I have any time for blog or website. It’s one of those pointless kinds of feelings lately. August was terrible, I kept waiting for September to get better, and now I’m here smack in the middle of the first week of October. Halloween decorations only half up, costume boxes got wet in the rain last night because I left them on the patio, and a huge tree *just 5 minutes ago* fell on our electric fence. Ah Poop. Yesterday I had Orkin come and spray for the fleas. Fleas exploded in the basement while I tried natural and not natural products. We had them so bad we couldn’t even walk to our freezer and fridge down there. The older kids have had to sleep upstairs for the past month.

Before calling Orkin I reluctantly fogged the basement. That was a funny ordeal in it’s self. My husband and I are down there early one morning passing up tubs of toys to the kids at the top of the stairs. We were trying to save some things from getting fogged. Fleas were all over us. I had a cream colored lace nightgown on and I look down and fleas are stuck all over me. So I took it off. So now I’m in the basement in just underwear. My husband is reading to me what to do with the can of fogger and we are setting off foggers as I’m running around naked. We told Charlotte to get a shower going for us. We pick the fleas off our legs and feet, and Ricky gets in his underwear and we race to the shower together.

So a day later there were still fleas flying through the basement. What a TOTAL WASTE. All my efforts failed, like everyone said they would. So, I called Orkin. Using a company that is “registered” or whatever for commercial buildings including restaurants and health care centers was important to me. They said they use no foggers. GREAT I thought! It was my understanding that they would use insect growth regulator only. They lied. I said I wanted no known neurotoxin. The lady on the phone flat out lied to me. I was given a list of 5 different chemicals after the fact. Some used inside, some out. When I found the invoice and everything they did I was crushed. I covered the house in sheets, blankets, and towels so the baby wouldn’t be on it. (That was necessary anyway for the flea stuff, that has to cover every square inch of the carpet. It is truly odorless too, which gives me a creepy false sense of half-security.) After I fretted over the invoice and read it 10 times, did a couple online searches I then broke into tears. My poor husband was trying to write a paper for school and he took a break to hold and console me. As supportive as he is I know he thought I was a tad crazy. He also knows I’m over a week “late” --so he figures it’s hormones I’m sure. (No I don’t think I’m pregnant.) Anyway I sobbed that we spend $$$ on organic food only to bring the poisons right into our home. I wailed on about how Penelope’s brain is developing and that some of those chemicals are known neurotoxins.

I have a (somewhat) happy ending. I called Orkin today and talked to the manager. Of course he knows all the right things to say like, pyrethrins are “natural” (a flower even!) and a main ingredient in another is boric acid. I wasn’t going to argue because it wasn’t going to make a difference. He’s convinced his product is just as safe as I think it’s harmful. I did bring up that he DOES use a neurotoxin, I really freaked when I read delta dust had been used in my house. It is residual and excreted through breastmilk,. What made me feel better is that not only did he act like he cared what this woman of 5 kids that buys organic food had to say, he assured me that his technicians are trained to use minimal amounts and spray cracks, crevices, and along water pipes only. They never use any baseboard sprays. In fact he said most of his calls are because their technician didn’t come in and spray the baseboards of the home. The whole thing has been just horrible for me. I can’t even think about the flea spray. They used some kind of pesticide that I am not familiar with in conjunction with the IGR. I can’t do anything about that and that is literally on EVERY SQUARE INCH OF baby crawling and somersaulting CARPET. Okay so maybe I am a tad hormonal. I’m also very fed up with a lot of things.

Anyway here is what I had started writing days ago...
Big Families...
I have been approached by three different women in the past four days in three completely different settings (one was 100 miles apart even) in regards to my growing family. I say growing, because are we done yet?

This is rare because I just don’t run into big families that often. Now in homeschooling circles, yes, sometimes. It's more likely. But the randomness as of late caught my attention.

The first lady asked me if I had 5 kids and she went on to chit-chat with me because she has 9 kids. The second lady was at Whole Foods in St Louis. She commented on Penelope in my Ergo carrier and said she had something similar 20 years ago. She is a mom of 11. At soccer practice yesterday I met another woman who has 6 children. I started wondering if I was receiving a sign or something. I love having all these kids and it is awesome seeing how they all have some one to play with (but that means fight with too! Lol.) I love having a big family. I love hearing about other people’s big families.

The three older kids are spending the night at my Aunts tonight. Penelope is nursing and Layla is playing with some cool Lego car someone else built earlier. I was just thinking about how quiet and calm the evening is right now. Life with 2 kids must be calm. (I barely remember, I only remember 2 wasn't enough!)I’ll take what quiet nights I can get, but I love my house full. I’m crazy about these kids.

The other morning Ricky and I awoke to one of the morning shows on TV and they had a family with 8 kids on. I said see it’s not just coincidence someone is trying to validate me. I’m not alone. But what else is someone telling me...