long time no blog

I have to live life instead of write about life. I have too much to write, too much I do, too many funny things my kids say (and do), too many pictures, and too many projects. I try and enjoy everyday (even the bad ones) but it doesn't help much. Time waits for no one.

My brain floods with each thing I must do next and I think I'm running out of room in my brain. I can't fit all the memories in my head so I try and write down what we do, what my kids say, I make lists of things to do (which I usually lose or misplace) and I try a mental log of all of it. My mental log however fails me frequently. At times it seems that I have short and long term memory loss. So I've started a paper journal that I can jot down notes, quick things, funny things, and sweet things.

My baby boy is lovely. A slice of heaven wrapped in blue resting on my chest or at the breast. I am in a perfect world of new motherhood again.


Charlotte turned twelve. She has amazed me lately. She spent the night at her friends last night and she held a monarch butterfly this morning. Way cool. I've never seen a monarch in the wild.

Penelope turned two. She is like a doll.

Ricky brought me home fragrant red roses for me the other day. They are gorgeous. His schedule is killing us. But we are managing. This too will pass. Almost every time Penelope hears the dog bark she exclaims, "Daddy home!" Our dog barks about 10 times a day and several times a night. It's very frustrating and heartbreaking for now. More about the kids on the homeschool blog.

Oh, and have HAPPY HALLOWEEN from Penelope...

Some gripes about adjusting

Well Ricky is done with school. He is done and at work full time this week. HOOOORAY. Today is his birthday. The kids and I are going to get a few birthday things today and hopefully have a mini party for him tonight. He won't be home until 7 or 8 though.

There are some things really frustrating me and I'm trying very hard not to let them. For example I'm freaking sick of him commuting, already. (Well he's been doing it over a year already.) I want to move closer to the city because getting up at 5am sucks. (I don't always get up with him but I do a lot.) And he doesn't get home until 7 or 8pm. I am also already frustrated at our mounting bills (loans, more insurance, and looking at buying a car for Ricky. Oh, and $900 in gasoline per month). We have more money, but more bills. Isn't that life. We are 600 dollars over budget according to the budget maker online that I attempted to use. (Whhhhat?!) And no savings #@! Arugh...
One thousand dollars a month on food expenses (inc. cat/dog food and misc household type stuff) and then another 700-1000 dollars a month in student loans does not help things. The Explorer Ricky currently drives is costing us 900 dollars per month in gasoline (hence the looking for a new car thing). This stuff is STRESSING me out. Ricky keeps dropping quiet hints about me shopping at Whole Foods less. (I don't go that much)

Ricky is so mellow about it all though. I asked him why he's not more frustrated while trying to get over this hump we seem to need to get over. He said, "I've been waiting 10 years so what's waiting a little longer. It's a process, and we have to take it one step at a time." I love him and his positively too mellow and totally content attitude. Even if it is sickening sometimes.
:)

Well now that I've written out the frustrations I can focus on the positive; like how he got a job before graduation. How he got a good job that he likes with lots of growth potential. We are all healthy and happy and the new baby will be here sometime at the end of next month. I also need to remember we don't even have a real schedule or anything down yet. We are just starting off with all of these brand new changes and bills. I'm just not good at adjustment periods.

One other thing that is bothering me is that Penelope Juliet is making me crazy. She wants to nurse and I have no milk this late in this pregnancy. Instead of giving up and loosing interest, as I've been now waiting for her to do for at least 6 weeks, she just hangs on and decided a nursie with no milk is better than no nursie at all. In fact right now she's pitching a total fit about nursing so I gotta go. She is trying to mimic her sister and suck her thumb sometimes but she just doesn't like it or get it. So she pops her thumb in and out of her mouth and the two girls giggle about it. But, she is clearly looking for a way to self soothe and she's having trouble.

Also, the older kids want to learn about the Empire State Building and today is library/craft day... and I need to update homeschool blog with some adorable photos.

unexpected offers / life

Ricky had an unexpected offer regarding his new job the day before we left for our trip. They want him in the office sooner (which meant today). He tried telling them he was still in school and felt it may be best he wait until the end of this month as originally planned. Well... he was offered part time work until school gets out --and they will give him FULL salary pay and FULL benefits. And he gets to pick the schedule around school (21 hours). How could he say no? Well he couldn't. :) So over the weekend we went shopping for some more spiffy suits, ties, shoes and what-not. We shopped both online and in store. We both had a lot of fun. It was a great weekend overall that we spent together.

Last night I sensed Ricky awake a lot. Every time I opened my eyes he was cuddled up to me with his eyes peering at me. I think he was excited about today. He says he slept well though but just woke up a lot so that's good. Finally we both got up around 4:30am but mostly because the little girls were sick and woke up. Penelope has a fever and Layla a dry constant cough. So we were really early risers today.

I'm playing catch up after getting back into town. The worst part has to be getting the kids back on a schedule. Also, I'm looking around and my house is SO dirty. I need a housekeeper. I think today I need to put the kids to work with some rags and spray cleaner. Everything is just kid-messy. Sticky chairs, table, walls, bathrooms, the desk, the floor (needs vacuumed), windows...

Later this week I'm picking up some hens. I finally found some young hens -not chicks- that are getting ready to lay. I have tomato plants that need planting too. That is really hard to do when our garden area is over run with weeds, still un-tilled for this year, not to mention I totally missed spring planting for this year.

With a feverish baby on my lap and Layla being needy I just don't have a lot of hope for getting things done this month...or this summer. At least we have some one weed eating the yard right now. It looks like a jungle. Today I daydream about moving somewhere grassy (which we hope to sometime soon). We live in a very nice place, but it's super rocky and we have barely any land cleared. (We are IN the woods). The grass is always greener on the other side though, right?

I can not wait until Ricky gets home tonight (or calls me) so he can tell me all about his first day. Right now he's out to lunch with his new bosses and probably other coworkers. He looked so awesome in his suit this morning. I hope he continues to love what he went to school for, he's worked so very hard for this.

Photos and a new job for Ricky

Below: Watermelon Belly early outside a few mornings ago (27 weeks) and a photo of Penelope washing Layla's hair in the tub.





Some baby love, snuggles, and kisses...


More photos on the kids' homeschool blog

Our family has really exciting news; Ricky landed a great job in the 'big city' and will start as soon as he finishes graduate school. He finishes school on June 26th and starts June 30th! This is very exciting. He was offered a Vice President position for a developing and expanding investment management consulting group within a huge financial institution! This is a wonderful opportunity for him (and our family)! I am so proud of him! He has worked so very hard and I'm glad he is starting off so well! He will commute (just like he has been for school) for a while then we will move closer to the city. We don't want to move too far though. We are not city people! :)

Well I just realized we leave tomorrow to go to Las Vegas. (My "hometown" & we are going to my little brother's wedding) We are not packed yet. CRAP! How did THIS happen? I better get going. Penelope is hanging ALL OVER me too and I'm feeling smothered.

New homeschool blog, the bad and good ...

I started a homeschool blog for more homeschooled-kid related things. I thought it would be a good way to log some of the things they do. I like to look back and see what we've done in more detail.
http://halfdozenkids.blogspot.com/

In other news things have been both wonderful and awful. Here's the Cliff'sNotes rundown: Our family run campground business was flooded horribly by the Midwest floods. The damage is stunning. Our store/bar/kitchen/dance hall was almost completely underwater. Our chickens were attacked and killed by a dog. Ricky's job hunt is not improving (he goes to Texas on the 8th for that other interview) Charlotte started soccer which is great, but time consuming. My husband is really busy with school, but slightly less so than his last 6week mini-semester (which was not much unlike hell). I actually get to see him 1 or 2 hours a night now! Yay! I am turning 30 in 2 days. Waiting to turn 30 is like waiting to give birth, it's exciting and anxious and I don't really feel like doing it, but the only other option is death :) I am happy my last baby will be born when I'm 30. That's just such a great age to say I'm done having kids now. My husband will be 28. What a baby! :P

Speaking of Ricky, things are so good with us. We are so happy and I'm so thankful for our relationship. It often feels like the only uncomplicated thing in my life is my marriage. What a wonderful place to be in.

Well this morning, although a do-it-yourself cereal morning, is off to a slow start. I better get off here. We have stuff to do! I need to eat more than cereal I'm afraid. This baby is wanting juice, eggs, tomatoes, salt...

I am 20 weeks pregnant this week. (photo is 17 weeks pregnant though) I feel the baby wiggle and kick. (I think there is a boy in there) We rub my belly in wonder like we've never done this before. Life is so magic.

update, homeschooling, life with kids

I'm making myself post before January is over! I never really got caught up after our trip to Mexico. Everything has been just crazy. I am just taking one day at a time. We have at least been doing better with staying on our homeschool "schedule" since being back in town. It was a rough start this school year getting into a routine that worked!

This month we have been studying a whole modge-podge of interesting things like cave paintings, art, how colors were discovered, the periodic table of elements, the big bang theory, the sun, moons (ice volcanoes!), big machines, bacteria, crystals, the French and Indian War, the Revolutionary War, Rosa Parks, MLK Jr., and measurement. In addition to this the kids and I have done a decently steady job at sticking with spelling words, vocabulary, math, and reading. we are not moving through the spelling as quickly as we should, but they are retaining it and that's what matters the most. Charlotte is writing more poems and is getting better at writing, I'm getting ready to post one of her poems in her journal for her. It's SO cute! Sage is finally excited about reading! Ethan is almost finished with his 100 lesson online reading program ( http://www.clicknkids.com/) and he's doing great too.

Layla (age3) is SO busy; she wants to paint, sculpt, play with play-doh, take a bath, eat, eat, eat, make a mess, glue stuff, play on the computer, and then watch TV over and over and over everyday. This child is exhausting. She typically wakes at 7am and goes to bed at 9 or 10 pm, without a nap. She also learns an incredible deal from the other homeschooling kids.

Penelope (15 months old) is right in there doing everything the kids do. She cleans up her plate or bowl from the table and brings it to me. She insists on sitting (or standing rather) in a big chair at the big table. She will NOT sit in her highchair -that's what babies do! lol. She thinks she's at least 2. This is what I've read about other big families, the youngest kids really do fall right in line and do what the big kids do. It is easier with each child. Penelope is still a baby however, and I still spend most my time holding, nursing, and cuddling her. She is still very much a mama's baby. :) Which is both exhausting and sweet. (Especially exhausting with homeschooling.)

I can't lie, lately life has been very challenging. I've been tired and so busy (but still getting nothing done!) I'm getting by each day thinking about how my husband is working equally as tiring hours at school as I am at home. In fact I think he has it much rougher than me for sure. Each morning I think OH NO not another day of this. lol. But it's not that bad --I'm just really tired right now. Things will look up and this is the longest most dreary part of the year. It comes every year, and it will leave every year too. Just a couple more months and life will blooming and energy will be restored. I can't wait to plant our garden this year.

Charlotte

Charlotte, my 11 year old, had chips and scrambled eggs for dinner. Mixed together! She tried to convince me that it's good. I guess potatoes and eggs go together I relented.

Charlotte and I spent hours tonight making Halloween candied apples and dipped pretzels that we are going to mail to my parents. I'm going to post pictures on my website and link to it later. We got very creative.

Charlotte started playing soccer 5 weeks ago. This is her first season playing soccer. I feel Charlotte has learned a lot about soccer and a couple weeks ago I really noticed she was improving drastically. I love her coach! When she first started playing she was more reserved than I had expected, but it didn't take long and she found her niche in the game. Today after her second game (they play 2 every Saturday) the coach told me, "Charlotte is doing great, she is a soccer natural. She gets the game." I knew she was doing good, but I didn't know she was doing that good! I was so happy to hear that!
I felt like all the driving for 2 practices and 2 games a week have been worth while. Soccer has been hard on me, especially with 5 kids, and all the driving.
A 35 dollar soccer sign up has turned into hundreds of dollars when I factor in gas, food since we have to spend all day in rolla on Saturdays, soccer cleats and hot pink shin guards.
Charlotte's cold rosy cheeks just beamed at hearing her coach. I am so happy to have an athletic kid! I think I really missed out by not getting involved in sports as a child.

A couple weeks ago Charlotte asked me if I had ever stolen anything. I said... well it depended. LOL. I fudged the truth a wee-bit like I always do to hide my former bad-girl image from my children. (I plan to make them think I'm a prude. I might be failing though, the other night at Six Flags Fright Night we got spray on tattoos and I asked the kid doing them if he does butts. I WAS KIDDING! It cracked him up, and my kids were humorously mortified and said, "Mommm!" HeeHeeHee)
Anyway, Charlotte confessed to stealing something from lost in found when she was in public school years ago. Apparently it was a small stuffed animal and she was so guilt ridden she had her friend return it to lost in found a year later. She couldn't return it herself because she no longer went to the public school.

I told her I never considered lost-and-found stealing, as long as you give it a chance to sit there a while.
:)

I love that kid.
I love that she asks and tells me about important things.

I love you

Excuse me for gushing, but I am in love. Head over heels in love with my husband. In regards to him being so busy with school: it's quality over quantity. And so that is where we are at right now. Taking one day at a time and enjoying the ride all the while being overwhelmed with kids and school (both graduate and homeschool!)
The past couple months have been really bummer months. Just in general. It seems like one thing after another has happened. I hate it when real life gets in the way of my good time. However, as the leaves turn from green to the brilliant colors of fall things are finally balancing out yet again. (And I'm becoming more accepting of many changes and challenges)

We are all set into a new routine, as hectic as it may be. Ricky is almost done with his first quarter of classes and it is exciting to hear him be so positive about such a challenge. I do not know how he does it. This month he will be at school until 11pm on Penelope's 1st b-day, our anniversary, and Halloween. Which totally sucks! But we will make it up. We will find the time to celebrate on different days. Those days he's gone I'll get extra kisses and more phone calls than usual. He says he sees the light at the end of the tunnel... and so I follow his lead.

He is working his head off at school. To balance all of that, and us. He's amazing. I'm forever grateful for him.

I'm such a dork for crying + Running into big families is it a sign?

I’ve been trying to write this post for 3 days. I’ve been running around like crazy. I’m insane for thinking I have any time for blog or website. It’s one of those pointless kinds of feelings lately. August was terrible, I kept waiting for September to get better, and now I’m here smack in the middle of the first week of October. Halloween decorations only half up, costume boxes got wet in the rain last night because I left them on the patio, and a huge tree *just 5 minutes ago* fell on our electric fence. Ah Poop. Yesterday I had Orkin come and spray for the fleas. Fleas exploded in the basement while I tried natural and not natural products. We had them so bad we couldn’t even walk to our freezer and fridge down there. The older kids have had to sleep upstairs for the past month.

Before calling Orkin I reluctantly fogged the basement. That was a funny ordeal in it’s self. My husband and I are down there early one morning passing up tubs of toys to the kids at the top of the stairs. We were trying to save some things from getting fogged. Fleas were all over us. I had a cream colored lace nightgown on and I look down and fleas are stuck all over me. So I took it off. So now I’m in the basement in just underwear. My husband is reading to me what to do with the can of fogger and we are setting off foggers as I’m running around naked. We told Charlotte to get a shower going for us. We pick the fleas off our legs and feet, and Ricky gets in his underwear and we race to the shower together.

So a day later there were still fleas flying through the basement. What a TOTAL WASTE. All my efforts failed, like everyone said they would. So, I called Orkin. Using a company that is “registered” or whatever for commercial buildings including restaurants and health care centers was important to me. They said they use no foggers. GREAT I thought! It was my understanding that they would use insect growth regulator only. They lied. I said I wanted no known neurotoxin. The lady on the phone flat out lied to me. I was given a list of 5 different chemicals after the fact. Some used inside, some out. When I found the invoice and everything they did I was crushed. I covered the house in sheets, blankets, and towels so the baby wouldn’t be on it. (That was necessary anyway for the flea stuff, that has to cover every square inch of the carpet. It is truly odorless too, which gives me a creepy false sense of half-security.) After I fretted over the invoice and read it 10 times, did a couple online searches I then broke into tears. My poor husband was trying to write a paper for school and he took a break to hold and console me. As supportive as he is I know he thought I was a tad crazy. He also knows I’m over a week “late” --so he figures it’s hormones I’m sure. (No I don’t think I’m pregnant.) Anyway I sobbed that we spend $$$ on organic food only to bring the poisons right into our home. I wailed on about how Penelope’s brain is developing and that some of those chemicals are known neurotoxins.

I have a (somewhat) happy ending. I called Orkin today and talked to the manager. Of course he knows all the right things to say like, pyrethrins are “natural” (a flower even!) and a main ingredient in another is boric acid. I wasn’t going to argue because it wasn’t going to make a difference. He’s convinced his product is just as safe as I think it’s harmful. I did bring up that he DOES use a neurotoxin, I really freaked when I read delta dust had been used in my house. It is residual and excreted through breastmilk,. What made me feel better is that not only did he act like he cared what this woman of 5 kids that buys organic food had to say, he assured me that his technicians are trained to use minimal amounts and spray cracks, crevices, and along water pipes only. They never use any baseboard sprays. In fact he said most of his calls are because their technician didn’t come in and spray the baseboards of the home. The whole thing has been just horrible for me. I can’t even think about the flea spray. They used some kind of pesticide that I am not familiar with in conjunction with the IGR. I can’t do anything about that and that is literally on EVERY SQUARE INCH OF baby crawling and somersaulting CARPET. Okay so maybe I am a tad hormonal. I’m also very fed up with a lot of things.

Anyway here is what I had started writing days ago...
Big Families...
I have been approached by three different women in the past four days in three completely different settings (one was 100 miles apart even) in regards to my growing family. I say growing, because are we done yet?

This is rare because I just don’t run into big families that often. Now in homeschooling circles, yes, sometimes. It's more likely. But the randomness as of late caught my attention.

The first lady asked me if I had 5 kids and she went on to chit-chat with me because she has 9 kids. The second lady was at Whole Foods in St Louis. She commented on Penelope in my Ergo carrier and said she had something similar 20 years ago. She is a mom of 11. At soccer practice yesterday I met another woman who has 6 children. I started wondering if I was receiving a sign or something. I love having all these kids and it is awesome seeing how they all have some one to play with (but that means fight with too! Lol.) I love having a big family. I love hearing about other people’s big families.

The three older kids are spending the night at my Aunts tonight. Penelope is nursing and Layla is playing with some cool Lego car someone else built earlier. I was just thinking about how quiet and calm the evening is right now. Life with 2 kids must be calm. (I barely remember, I only remember 2 wasn't enough!)I’ll take what quiet nights I can get, but I love my house full. I’m crazy about these kids.

The other morning Ricky and I awoke to one of the morning shows on TV and they had a family with 8 kids on. I said see it’s not just coincidence someone is trying to validate me. I’m not alone. But what else is someone telling me...

August turned bad

For once I'm not worried about the laundry. Usually if clean laundry piles up in my room waiting to be folded I think about it everyday and sigh at night if I go to bed without folding it. I looked at the laundry tonight as I'm getting ready for bed and I thought to myself, 'I don't even care about the laundry.' There is too many other things going on.

This month is not a good one. I'd like to throw it back. I'm ready for the next one now please. I'm on the verge of that hopeless feeling. But so many positive and happy things are in my head, I just wish bad stuff would keep happening.

This month Ricky bizarrely had every wire ripped from our minivan when he had a blow out (and near accident) on I44. His car doesn't have air, so he was taking the van during this heat wave. Ricky is embarking on a brand new experience with graduate school, I can feel the stress and sense the toll driving to St Louis is taking on him. I have my own problems because I have been emotional, hormonal, and at times a bitch.

I told Ricky it was because I was ovulating. To which he replied, "You've been ovulating for 3 weeks!" LOL.

All in all Ricky's school is going good, so far. The workload hasn't started yet. We are both a little worried because this is not going to be easy. This program is intensive. He's earning a Masters of Science in Finance degree in 10 months. I'm sure he'll do great with the workload, but it's the family thing that will be hard on us both. His first day he found out he is one of 250 applicants for this program, 33 of which were accepted. He is also the only one married and that has children which was a fun fact. There are 10 woman in the program, the rest men.

So back to the van I got sidetracked.
I shrieked as Ricky talked to the insurance company about our van (twice now) for various reasons. Our insurance company won't fix it because it's a total loss and "not worth" fixing. It's because our van has so many miles on it. It's an awesome and well cared for minivan though, which is still under warranty. We are working on getting a new van. We have one picked out.

Sage (7) got very sick over the past couple days. Our relaxing Sunday at home turned into a trip to the emergency room. It's a long story but he ended up having strep throat and severe tonsillitis. He had near tennis ball size lumps in his neck (We thought it was mumps for half of a day). For me to go to the emergency room (we mainly did so because it was a Sunday so our Dr wasn't in) says it must have been bad. He was given an antibiotic IV in the hospital. Him and Layla (who insisted on going with us) were given Popsicle's and cartoons. It was a great hospital (Sullivan Baptist). They were very kind there. I was not hassled for not vaxing, and the on call doc was shocked Sage had never been on any antibiotics (except for an abscessed tooth.) The doc kept asking if Sage had ever had tonsillitis or strep before. I had to keep saying no no no. I can not, like many of us, imagine what it was like when people used to just get infections and die. I bitch about modern medicine a lot, but I am thankful for a lot too. I always want to make that clear.

What modern medicine can't do
My Uncle Doyle is dying of lung cancer. He lives here at the resort. He is in his 70's and the life of the party. I've never had a family member die like this. He is dying, and it's starting to hit us all. Death is bad enough but when you have to watch it... it seems so unbearable. He has 6 months to live. Ethan drew a heart breaking picture yesterday and handed it to me. It said get well on it. It had a stick person and a cigarette in a crossed out circle. It is so hard explaining to kids when someone just isn't going to get well.

Udate about my uncles cancer 8/23/07:
my uncle has now been given 30-60 days to live. The cancer is very aggrestive and he is worse than he was even 1 weeks ago. *Sigh* I felt like I was punched in the belly hearing that. It's starting to really become real now.